Twitterblog: 2.5 weeks is Over

So it's over...I'm bittersweet sad about it. Tomorrow I start my new job.

TBC...

The Dating Game

Soooo...I'm single.

It feels almost blasphemic to say those words. For so long, it was pounded into my head that I was not available, that I was in a committed relationship with someone and thou shalt not lookest at other Godesses. After half a decade of being with one girl, I'd forgotten alot of things about being single. Here's a list of the things I'd forgotten about The Dating Game:

1) The rules havn't changed...unlike technology, that changes every 18 months, you'd upgrade your PC or risk not being able to support MSFT's new blue screen, the rules to dating have not changed at all. there's still the 2 day rule for calling, the weekday date and you level up to the weeknight date. then if you're REALLY special, you get a weekend date. There's still the 'my friend likes you' the 'what are you drinking' and the 'hi my name is...' but now, instead of giving phone numbers, everyone's exchanging blackberry pin's.

2) When you date, you're searching. It's like 510 Flavors of Gelato. You walk in, do you pick the wasabi green ginger ice cream right away? No. You ask for a taste and they give you one of those little tiny plastic spoons with a chunk of ice cream. You taste it and you decide if you like it or not. I decide that I will pass on wasabi green ginger ice cream today. Can I try some lime lemon sorbet? And so on, until you have the flavor that you like and then you say "Give me more of that. I like that." So now you walk out of the Gelato place, happy as a clam in high tide with the ice cream of your choice. You're confident that the choice you made is the right one because you've tried the rest, now you're with the best. Isn't dating the same? You go on one or two dates, figure out that the guy who you thought was soooOOOooo funny was really just drunk that day or that the girl who you thought was really deep because you philosophised about the meaning of life on the first date just turned out to be really not-smart (PC for dumb) and was really just asking alot of questions for real and not just rhetorically.

3) It sucks when one person likes the other person more. The difference with People-People relationships (vs People-Ice Cream) is that it goes both ways. While you don't think they are a match for you, they might think they are. I had a chat with a friend over dinner tonight and I'd said to her that her relationship is great because they both cared and liked and obsessed over each other in the same 'level'. While sometimes one liked the other more, it was never a large gap so all that was done, was appreciated. All good things were seen as good. All positive intentions were seen as for what they were. The problem comes when one person likes the other way more, like on a scale of 1-10, one person likes the other 8 and the other just feels a 3. So now, all that was done, is not appreciated. All good things will be seen as annoying. All positive intentions will be seen negatively. The 20 text messages a day turn from "aw he cares about what i'm doing and can't stop thinkin about me" to "oh damn she's totally blowing up my phone and being obsessive." The hour long phone calls go from "i can't stop talking to you cuz i love the sound of your voice" to "Oh damn. i got so much to do and this is totally killing my time." It's funny how feelings can change perspectives, but perspectives don't change feelings. (booya that was deep. think on that one for a second.)

4) That the grass is always greener. How many times have you heard this one? When you're in a relationship, there's times when you just want your own time, your own things, your own life. You feel like a babysitter, a gaurdian, a driver, a call center help line, a therapist. You feel like you have to think for 2 all the time, that you have no say in your own life. You wish for greener pastures, for the wide open space to run around in and do your own thing whatever it may be. But when you're single, there are times when you long for someone to care for, to cherish. You want to be a gaurdian, you want someone to call you, to open up to you. The time you have now seems too much. The wide open space is too vast, too empty for one person. I guess the perfect relationship would have a bit of everything and not just too much of one. Your life, my life and our life, all proportioned perfectly to both persons liking. I guess when you want the greener grass on the other side of the fence, it means that you're in the wrong field to begin with. I'm sure there's a plot of land out there that's just green enough for me, and when I find it, there will be no greener grass. (I'm sure my future girlfriend would love to see that I called her a plot of land.)

5) That if you don't look, they'll come along in their own time.

VICTORYYYY!

Yesterday was my last day at work. I was laid off 7 working days ago when my boss asked me to step into his office and proceeded to tell me all the reasons how it wasn't me, it was him...and how maybe there would be a possibility for us to work together again in the future, that right now it was just bad timing and that he just couldn't afford to pay me anymore (wow, that sounded like how I've ended relationships). Of course, just as my ex's do when I tell them that, I freaked out a bit. I cried. I fetal'd up and rocked back and forth for an hour or so...in the dark. It was kind of sadly funny, because the day before, I'd hurt my foot running around the seawall. Something called Plantar Fasciitis (wiki: Plantar fasciitis is a syndrome of heel pain due to inflammation of the thick ligament of the base of the foot. A tight, inflamed plantar fascia can cause pain when walking or running, and lead to the formation of a heel spur. ) And that morning, it was nice out but it'd started raining heavily during the day. So here I was, freshly laid off, limping home in the rain with no umbrella. I could almost hear the violins, serenading my tragedy.

That was it though. When I'd gotten home from the walk, I'd let all my anger, sadness and negativity out already. It'd washed away with the rain dripping down my temples. I let myself go for a bit, I let myself wander and lose all hope, to be really sad, to be really angry and be the victim for a bit. I told myself I was screwed, I told myself it was the end, that I was done. It felt good. It felt like a relief to be a victim, to know that there was nothing you could do and that you just had to accept what was. But once the feeling subsided, it never came back. It's funny how that works. When my ex and I broke up, I'd run into some random things and feelings welled up inside of me. Memories flooded my mind and I'd get emotional about it. But the next time I'd run into the random thing, the feelings never came back. It was a one time thing. I think from that, I'd learned that if you hold things in, push it to the back of your head, it never goes away. But if you let it take you over and control you for a powerful short time, it will leave you and never come back.

I made a few calls. I applied at a few places. I broke it down to one small step at a time, one doable task at a time, leaving my doomsday thoughts out of it, but just concentrating on one step at a time. Today I had my final interview with a company and throughout this week, I'd had several. I have 3 offer letters in front of me, all equally attractive. I had a CEO come into the 2nd interview and try to close me on why I should work for his company. I had a Director challenge me in foosball on my way out because he wanted to show me how great of a culture his company had. This last 7 days have been amazingly busy but well worthwhile. Now, I'll have a week or so off of work (a mini vacation!! woo!) and my pick of futures to walk towards.

In the words of Johnny Drama, VICTORRRYYYY!!! And like Drama, I couldn't have done it without my friends. They kept me up, they kept me motivated and they let me know that I really wasn't that screwed. ;) Thank you.

Aw fukuruku

I was laid off today.


My boss said he appreciated my work, and really didn't want to but because of the economy, can't afford to keep me anymore. He said that as soon as the deals I brought in closes and we have the contract for them, he'd bring me back but until then, he can't keep me.

*pow* smack to the face
*bam* kick to the nuts
*ka-donk* boot in the ribs

Well, I think this is my 3...I hope its' my 3rd. I can't take much more, tag me out.

HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY!!

When I was younger in my preteens I didn't watch alot of TV. I'm probably one of the few guys that never watched the Transformers growing up (which I think eventually saved me alot of money seeing all the toys my autobot-obsessed friends buy) There's a whole other story to that, but I'll tell that another day. Growing up, my family had only ever had one television, which my dad was usually on for most of the evenings, watching chinese shows with my mom. My parents also didn't 'believe' in television, something that today I'm grateful for. We were enrolled in piano, kumon, chinese school, judo, swimming. All things little Asian kids do! Don't mess, we'll karate kick your ass while playing the violin speaking in 4 different languages and drinking bubble tea.

One of the things we'd watch all the time though, was hockey. I'd remember that hockey was the only thing my dad would watch that my sister and I were interested in. Moreso than the chinese dramas which, while were funny in a 'I-only-understand-every-second-sentence' kind of way but was way too adult humor for my 10 year old mind. So when hockey was on, my sister and I would be in front of the tv, our only time with the elusive technology. The year Trevor Linden was drafted into his first season of the NHL, 1989, was the year we started watching hockey.

Fast forward 20 years, Linden has just retired. He will forever be remembered as Captain Vancouver, not for what he did for the Canucks on the ice, but for his off ice work. Lindens given so much back to our community, from the terminally ill children at Canuck Place to property development out in the Kits area, not to mention he was also President of the NHL Players Association, representing all the players to the owners and league commissioners. Sentimentally, my sister and I were at his retirement game. Seeing him years ago put on the Canucks sweater for the first time and now, seeing his banner lifted into the rafters put a tear to my eye. I love hockey.

So while being a fan of the game for so long, I'd just recently started playing the game. I tell ya, it's not as easy as it looks. My post season dreams of carving down the ice, dipsy doodling the puck around all the defenders to score with a spin-o-rama backhand went crashing down as hard as I'd crashed down on the ice in my first game. I could barely stop and when I had the puck, I would panic and end up ass down on the ice. I even bravely attempted a slapshot, which I missed the puck completely and ended up face down, splayed out. Somehow in my mind, I'd pictured it all differently. A year and a half later, I can't say I'm that much better at the game, but I can say that I've practiced my heart out, played every single week, took all the advice of the better players and I can at least stop now.

On my way, my boys decided to join me on this journey. So about 8 or 9 of us had never played before and started to dedicate ourselves to the art of ice hockey. I started to book ice times, and began organizing a recreational drop in night every second Friday. Since then, my excel spreadsheet has gone from 12 players to over 90 contacts and next month, our team, the HotShots, is heading into our first year of league hockey.

(Pic from the first ice time)

(Our Team a year later)

I want to own a piece of Vancouver and be able to positively influence the city that I live in...can I do it with hockey?

Working with several talented partners, who are also some of my closest friends, we will hopefully be able to realize that vision soon. The two-fold plan is to, one, have an online ecommerce portal for recreational ice hockey players in Vancouver to buy gear, meet, discuss, and research the sport and two, start our own full blown rec hockey league. The league will promote the site, and the site will promote the league each effectively piggy backing off one another towards being strong enough to influence the Vancouver rec hockey culture. Once that happens the plan is to quit my job, do this full time, and just play hockey all day long... =D



(LOL)

but until then, I'll keep skating, keep practicing and if I'm able to come even 1% of what Linden did, I'm a happy man.

29 Year Cycle

Beginning at birth, there are successive periods of about seven years in a person's life, each one a stage of important adjustments to reality. At about 7 years of age, the first quarter of the transiting Saturn cycle, the first crisis of maturity occurs and self-awareness takes form. At about ages 14 or 15, the change from child to adult occurs. About 21-22 years of age brings another adjustment to the demands of society. When Saturn completes its first cycle at about 29 years, people must come to terms with themselves and the society in which they live. This point in the cycle is called the Saturn return. It is almost always a time of important commitments, decisions, and the acceptance of responsibilities and changes of lifestyle.

I don't remember much about my first Saturnism at age 7. I remember running around alot, doing my Kumon homework and playing the piano. At the second cycle of 14/15, that was the awkward time. I was coming out of my shell, previously sheltered and protected by my parents. All of a sudden I'd discovered girls! (I'd also discovered that they had no interest in me, a chubby, pimple faced Chinaman who didn't wear the coolest clothes or say the smoothest things.) At age 14 was also when I realized I could be an athlete and so I did and I excelled at it and thus was my identity for 7 years.

21. Ahh, good ol' 21. In hindsight now, looking back at the stage of the planets and moons and all that jazz, it makes sense. Or rather, it fits into the story nicely. I had not a worry in the world. The minute responsibilities of a recent university graduate who had every option of the world in front of him. I travelled in packs like hunting wolves, with 30 of my closest boys (not kidding...30...) with me everywhere we went. Big Bamboo, Hotshots, Hong Lok Yuen, No. 9, BP, everywhere. We had girls with us and because we were all gentlemen, they loved us. The weekends and weeknights were spent racing down the highways in our garage made rice rockets with the +10hp stickers, going from restaurant to pool hall to kareoke bar, laughing all the way. It was quite the change from my restricted popularity in high school, going from ugly duckling to swan (albiet a ruff gruff manly swan..argh!) We thought ourselves to be complete bad asses. Brotherhood, blood brothers, if one of us got into trouble, the other 29 would be there with a beep of the pager. (Only one of us had a cell phone so his bill was always the highest: hey Gurt, can I borrow your phone?) We were respected by our peers, looked up to by those younger. Guys wanted to hang out with us, girls wanted to get with us. (Or so that was our mentality, I mean, with a pimped out honda civic with stickers on the door and chopped springs so that you'd bottom out on every speed bump, who wouldn't want to be with us!) We ruled the world. Those were the days when we had no worries (mortgage? bills? what are those things? responsiblities? ugh, kill the word.) We were in the middle, grown out of the childish restraints that society places on teenagers but not quite at adulthood status yet. We were armed with the positive outlook that our futures were still unwritten, that we could become anything we wanted to be and our destinies and fates were like a fresh jar of play-doh, soft and moldable.

7 years later. 29 years old. Commitments, decisions and responsibilites. Over the years my 30 man crew turned into a 4 man entourage. Our consecutive 4 night party days turned into once a month and the weight of adulthood comes crashing down hard onto our shoulders. How easy is it to manage your own life, while simultaneously attempting to balance those of your friends, family and colleagues? To try to make their lives fit into yours and not become a selfish hermit. Never in my 29 years of life have I faced such a daunting task and a more difficult year. I left my secure job of 3+ years due to changes out of my control. I ended a relationship of 5 years with a girl I loved with all my heart, though was no longer in-love. I bought a 2nd Condo before the market crashed and now am down on the investment. And now, my two best friends are moving away, one of them for good, one of them for 2 years. To those who think they've been knocked off of their comfort zone, I'll join you in the parade. Hell, I'll organize it. Change is good and it is what I need. This past several years, I've been too comfortable, too relaxed and my fire has died down a bit. I remember the ambition and drive I had when I was 21, and I felt alive and motivated. I want it back, and I'll get it back. But for now, I just want to turn 30 in 4 months, and get 29 over with. This 'Saturn Return' cycle isn't all it's cracked out to be. The Play-doh's been left out too long, long forgotten by the first hands that started to mold it. It's become hard and stiff. 4 months to go.

I Want to Own a Piece

I remember once a long time ago, in what is another life time now. I was 17 or 18 and I'd had just gotten used to driving my new car. It was brand new, off the lot and I was making payments on it. I owned it. I remember stopped at an intersection, and looking around me. I took in the stereo, I touched the door handle and caressed the seats. This was mine, I owned it. At that age, there wasn't much I'd owned that wasn't over $50, my kriss kross jeans were probably about $50. maybe my hypercolor shirt was up there, i can't remember. Looking around, I felt a sense of pride, that I'd reached a man-milestone somewhere. That I'd started on the track of independance because I now had something to my name that the banks would consider an asset (even though it was a depreciating asset.) Of course by 17, I'm sure some African kid in a lost tribe somewhere was now a father of 4, had his own dirt hut by 13 and had collection of death spears and blow darts that he'd bought with his hard earned hyena fur. But for me, it was a first.

I felt the same way after I bought my first condo, the first night I'd slept over there, on the floor of my soon-to-be-but-not-quite-yet furnished room. I owned it. (well, not quite since the bank still owns about 70% of it. Mortgage literally means dead pledge. damn banks.)

I love Vancouver. I can confidently say that I am a Vancouverite for life. I want to own a piece of Vancouver. Not just property, or businesses, but the culture. I'd love to be able to shift Vancouvers culture in a positive way somehow, build this young city into something more. Inject new ways of life into the always (and not always good) relaxed paced of our sleepy, marijuana induced city. Lets start something. How people say to surround yourself with those smarter than you, I've lived that saying. I'm working with a few partners on some exciting things. I havn't felt this way since I was editing film in University until 4 in the morning. It's something I passionately enjoy and I hope it will one day soon start paying the bills too. That's the dream isn't it? Stay tooned. To love what you do and to do what you love with those you love. That's the dream.